Talking ToeNails with Friends

OK, I admit it, I am not much of a cocktail party conversationalist. I trip over myself as I ask people what they do for a living. So you can imagine how difficult it must be for me to get people to expose their toenail clipping habits, just so I can share them with you! But in talking about one of my favorite subjects dogs (the other is gardening), a woman shared the following:

Her pug kept scratching at the carpet, which is usually a sign of nesting. But then the little pugger would jump up and down and then relax for a while. After a few times, the woman got down on her hands and knees to try to figure out what her dog was doing, thinking perhaps there were some food crumbs in the rug. As she watched, the dog started scratching the carpet and the woman saw these white nail shards flying up; the pug would try to catch them and then lay back down to eat them! Oooooh - another disgusting tale!

I promised the woman I would get her the Artemis Woman Nail Catcher.

Artemis Woman Nail Catcher Can Help the World

Toenail Clipping societies are becoming more mainstream as the many important uses of the skill go beyond simple sacred ceremonies. New uses for toenails have been discovered in science, medicine and as potential solutions to world hunger and poverty.

A new MIT department has recently been founded, with funding from the US government, approved by George W. Bush himself. Bush has was quoted recently, at a party fundraising dinner, as saying "Toenails are the next fossil fuels and have great potential in solving global warming, once and for all! It's about time we all learned about the benefits of toenails".

New regulations are now being drafted in congress about the responsible use of advanced toenail clipping as the skills could be dangerous if they were to fall in the wrong hands. This has brought to light the need for advanced training and supervision for all toenail clipping enthusiasts the world wide.

Retrieved from "http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Advanced_Toenail_Clipping"

Shards in the Sheets

I get together with girlfriends for drinks once or twice a month to catch up on life. We talk about the ups and downs of what's going on with families, with jobs and, of course, with relationships. I was recently told this story by my friend, Leslie. She was relaxing one evening reading a novel in her den. Her partner, Joe, was puttering about in the bedroom getting ready for a business trip. As the evening wore on, she put on her nightshirt and got ready for bed. She turned out the lights and slipped under the covers. As she tossed to get comfortable, Leslie felt scratching on her legs. Thinking she might be getting bit by a bug, she turned the bedroom light on, rolled back the blankets and found a pile of nail clippings in the bed! Joe just looked at her sheepishly and said, "Ooops! I forgot about those."

I think at that point Leslie went into the guest room and slept there. Some months later, Leslie and Joe split up. Do you think an Artemis Woman Nail Catcher might have saved that relationship?

http://www.artemiswoman.com/Nail_Catcher.html

FREE NAIL CATCHER FOR YOUR FOOT STORY

Welcome to the first post of the ToeNail Interruptus blog. This is a site that highlights the Artemis Woman Nail Catcher and how it can "save" relationships and add peace and comfort to your world. By adding your own foot story to this blog, you may be selected to receive a free Artemis Woman Nail Catcher.

So what do we mean by saving relationships and adding peace and comfort to your world?

Well, Artemis Woman surveyed over 100 people and found that most women think their partner's nail clipping habits are gross and wish the partner would change them. And, we found that almost 75% of those surveyed were not aware there was a toenail clipper out there with a built in nail catcher -- The Artemis Woman Nail Catcher!

Anyway, we feel that FEET can be a fun subject to talk about. We want this to be an interactive site where we share our funny, provocative or just plain horrendous toenail clipping stories. To kick it off, Artemis Woman will give away a free Nail Catcher daily to a randomly-selected poster who tells us about strange nail clipping sitings. We will share as well what we've heard during our research. I know, this is odd; but just laugh and go along with it!